70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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