it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
