i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
