Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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