You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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