My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
