I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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