he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
