this beer tastes like vomit already
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The feeling are messing with the penis
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
