i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
