my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im holly from the hills drunk
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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