8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
