tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
