We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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