Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
