96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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