FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
