there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
