You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
