One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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