Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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