I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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