ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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