My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
