My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I faked an abortion last night.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
