Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
