I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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