love makes seman taste better
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hippo gnu deer
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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