So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
