so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
lol hangovers are for mortals.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
