I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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