OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
