Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
