"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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