but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
