If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is the high leading the old right now
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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