We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
