i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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