if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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