I hate your face
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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