i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
