okay pat passed out under dana's car
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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