nutella sex= disaster
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
