Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
