I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have aggressive nipples.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
