the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You don't make any sense
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