I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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