i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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