Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
