it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
