Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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