I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
