so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
