When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
