I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
