the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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