If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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