nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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