I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
