Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
