you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
