I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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