i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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