Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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