when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
