eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we're making bets on your personal life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
