She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
