Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
